Now that you've got your look down pat, here comes the difficult part: actually starting a conversation with that beautiful stranger. This is arguably the toughest part - something we refer to as "approach anxiety." The fear of rejection is very real for most people out there (yes, I've been there too!). "Opening" is as much a science as an art - I will go more into detail about the finer points of how to strike up a fun convo with almost anyone in an upcoming article.
Meanwhile, there are a few ways to get around the irrational fear:
1) Have a mutual friend introduce you -
Not always practical or possible, but works great especially if s/he does it with a complement ("This is my friend *****, he's the lead singer of a band/president of a frat/level 56 in World of Warcraft.")
BTW, the World of Warcraft thing is a joke, make sure your friend actually does you a favor and say something attractive.
2) Bite the bullet and do a "cold" approach -
Starting a conversation with a complete stranger is for the bold and adventurous types out there. I get a lot of fun out of doing this because it really is an incredible thrill to waltz up to an attractive woman and discover how she's like instead of walking on by and wondering what might have been. With that being said, "cold" approaches (as opposed to being introduced - a "warm" approach) is extremely challenging. Expect to fail early and often. Like a sport, proficiency comes with practice and diligence.
3) Go Speed Dating! -
One of the main challenges of the "cold" approach is running into someone who is, for one reason or another, simply not in a social mood. We're all human, and there are times where we simply do not have the time or energy to be receptive to flirting, no matter how charming the person talking to us may be. On the other hand, once you sit down at #1's table and begin speed dating, you'll discover that the person across from you is as enthusiastic as you are at making a new connection. You have all made conscious decisions to meet new people, and that open mindset makes the process so much easier.
How Can I Break The Ice?
Boy sits down across the table from Girl
Boy: "Hi"
Girl: "Hi"
(awkward silence)
Boy: "Uhh...how's school?"
We've all been there, stuck with a blank mind and nothing to say. If that's never happened to you, then you must be a great liar (if that's you, congratulations, studies show that social liars are more popular and tend to be more successful in business). Either way, there are 2 great ways to establish instant rapport between you and your date.
1) Find commonalities
The first day at an introductory management class I teach, I have my student play a game called "What We Have in Common." They have 5 minutes to pair up with someone they have never talked to before and find 3 things, the more obscure the better, that they share. Whether it's lactose intolerance, a passion for all things Gucci or the same favorite movie, this period of mutual questioning invariably creates more topics of conversation and a possibility for friendship, or more.
2) Pick up on subtleties
On my flight home for the holidays, I noticed an attractive girl in the terminal who was reading the new Dan Brown novel. Once we got on the plane, I sat down next to her, asked her how she found the book and used that as a starting point for an enlightening conversation that we shared for the rest of the flight(it's amazing how time flies when you're having a good time, especially when your flight is delayed by an hour on the runway). The point is, none of this would have happened if I didn't notice the small detail of what she was reading. Whenever I meet someone, the strength of their handshake, the accent with which they speak and the jewelry they wear are all small but significant cues that I can use to find out more about them. Be more attentive to these subtleties next time you meet someone, and you'll never be short on conversation topics.
Gotta head to the gym now, check back soon for updates! (up next: how to avoid the conversation turning stale, like 2 week old bread)
Much love,
THM
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